 Journal Entry #1 Originally, we were going to be volunteering at a handicapped orphanage. Lydia and I went to this orphanage for two days and met with the director. We did not receive a warm welcome. There are 600 handicapped children in this facility and they are understaffed, but they didn't want us there. We even had a contract with them, but they decided to change the rules on us. Our field supervisor here, Sasha, told us that this is very common. The staff of the orphanage wanted us to be seen by 18 different doctors and get several immunizations. Sasha, our supervisor advised us not to do this because the process could take several months. Sasha, being so involved in the social work field knew of several other orphanages in the area that would welcome us. So this week we worked from 9-4:30 at a baby home. This baby home is called baby home #16. It has approximately 150 "healthy" babies. As we have been working with these babies we have noticed some very visible unhealthy habits and traits. In the morning, we are with a group of about five to seven, approximately one-year olds. It's so hard to tell how old the children are because they look malnourished. They have small body frames but have several of their teeth. In this room, we feed the babies their breakfast. Feeding time is so sad to watch because the babies are rushed through eating. One morning, I was feeding a smaller-looking baby and he kept reaching for the spoon, the nurse of the room, saw this and quickly tied his arm down. I did not know what to do, it was so sad to watch. After we are finished feeding them, we usually play with them. This room is very small and has little area for the children to move around. Only one of the babies can walk in this room. She is very frustrated with the small area to walk in. We got yelled at by the nurse of this room for holding a baby "too" long. She believed we were spoiling her. Russians seem to have a very different mindset. It is difficult to come here with a western mindset and not be disturbed by the way this institution is operating. For example, there is one room in the orphanage with all the newborns; no one is ever in this room. These newborns just lay in their cribs all day. I have walked by several times and there has always been a baby crying and no one is there to hold the baby. Apparently, from what I understand, Russians do not see the benefit of holding and cuddling babies at this age. It is so heart wrenching. In the afternoons, we go to another room; this room has about 15 or more toddlers. We play with these kids for hours. Several of these children, when you are not directly paying attention to them start rocking and moaning. Also several of the children bang their heads against the walls and floors. It seems to me that they are trying to self-stimulate. It is so disturbing to watch. Another interesting behavior I have noticed in several of the children is that they will come up to me and throw their bodies on my lap and then quickly turn over and arch their backs. When I pick up several of the children their bodies are stiff. They do not show the appropriate response to holding or cuddling. It's like they want your attention and will do anything to get it, but once you pick them up they do not know how to respond. They push away from me. In the toddler room, none of the children are talking. The room is so quiet at times it's almost creepy. If I try to tickle them, they don't laugh. But just this week, I have heard several of the children laugh. I think they have figured out that it is ok to smile and laugh with us around. I have noticed that several of the toddlers are frustrated because there are no age appropriate or stimulating toys for them to play with. They are bored. There are lots of toys but the children are only allowed to play with certain ones. It's like it's a toy museum, several of the nicer toys are locked up behind glass. I believe a lot of these children have attachment disorders, from experiencing trauma as an infant. I heard a little bit about sensory integration disorder. I want to read more about that, it seems to be appropriate in dealing with these children. By the end of everyday, I am exhausted. I feel like I gave everything to these children and they soak everything up. It is a good feeling. I am really enjoying my job here. It is eye opening everyday. I feel really privileged to be here and experience all of this.
Journal Entry #2 I am really interested in learning more about Reactive Attachment Disorder. From my observations, it seems to be a key issue at baby house #16. I have to tell you on a personal note, I am enjoying my time here in Russia so much. Life here is hard with the freezing cold weather, the busy metros, the dirty streets and the language barrier; but I love it. I count everyday a privilege. Being able to be a part of these children's lives is so wonderful. Each day I find myself more and more attached to these children. The caretakers at the orphanage, which are all women, have been warming up to Lydia and I. They have been giving us more independence and responsibility. We have been able to take some of the children outside for 30 minute stroller rides. The children are so bundled up, that they can not move, so I'm not sure that they appreciate the fresh air. I know it is so good for the children to leave their stuffy rooms once in a while. We have also gone with one of the caretakers to a clinic. Each day one of the children needs to go to a clinic. I have yet to figure out what kind of clinic this is. When the children are at the clinic they usually get blood drawn. The caretakers are so interested in knowing about us and America, and how the foster care system works in America. Lydia and I continue to help with feeding and playing with the children everyday. I know I am in a developing country, with tons of room for improvement, but this baby house is wonderful. The caretakers constantly acknowledge each one of the children by their name and often times names of endearment. I have never seen a caretaker be rough with one of the children. I can tell that they are overworked and overwhelmed; but love the children. The children have so many needs that they can not meet. I feel like I am coming to terms with having realistic expectations for the children. I am happy to tell you that at least four out of the twenty-some children that I am in contact with are in the process of being adopted. Two of the children are going to Spain, one to England, and one to Finland. I know that is not a high percentage but it makes me so happy to know that some of these children are getting adopted. Russia seems to make the adoption process very difficult for American families to adopt. I have been closely observing one little girl named Oliya; she is probably a little over one year old. From my limited observations, and limited knowledge, I would diagnose her with Reactive Attachment Disorder. She does not respond appropriately to us touching her. The only way I can describe her reaction is that it is cat-like. If I touch her neck, she quickly tilts her head to the side where I am touching her. The second she sees Lydia or I she bursts into tears and can not be comforted until we pick her up. She literally clings onto my neck for dear life. If I move her at all she starts crying. She is so unsure of herself. Today Lydia and I were trying to teach her how to walk. She will not allow herself to try it. She gets so scared and will not let go of me. She arches her back which makes her difficult to hold. But when I try to put her down she freaks out. She is also very aggressive with the other babies. She will hit them with toys over and over again. It is almost like she doesn't have a conscience. She will see them crying and continue to hit them. She is baffling to me. Lydia and I try to give Oliya as much one on one time as we possibly can. She seems so needy and it is difficult to know if we are helping her progress with any kind of development. It's difficult to find one on one time with any of the children. By the end of everyday, I am completely exhausted. I feel like I give everything to these children. I am also finding it more and more difficult to leave them each day. There is a huge need and I feel so small. It can be overwhelming if I let myself think that way. I have to choose to believe that I am making a small difference in their lives. Hannah Riker 2007 Volunteer
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